Worst Songs of 2019
What do I mean by this? Well, many of my least favourites are songs that in a worse year I would ignore and disregard as worthless - not just as pieces of art but as choices for a list of my worst songs. This year however, these songs have become horrific infestations, slowly worming their way into my ear as a result of extremely heavy radio rotation or just the fact that they began as pleasant enough background noise on an album I listened to for a review a few times before showing their true faces as monotonous yet infuriatingly memorable, torturing me when I least expect it. What's on my daily mix today? Should I shuffle my music to rediscover a forgotten gem? Maybe I'll try out an alternative radio station, see what they're playing- no, no NO!
List season officially begins now- let's get into my Top 10 Worst Songs of 2019...
Honourable Mentions
"So Bad"
Gesaffelstein, HAIM
It's right there on the tin. Just avoid it. I was actually really excited to hear Gesaffelstein's new album, up until the point this song was released to promote it. Haim have had a strange year, with some very mixed material, and in my mind this is the worst of it. So bad? Yes.
"Make It Right"
BTS, Lauv
I don't like either of these artists. I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with this song.
"No Guidance"
Chris Brown, Drake
I am extremely happy to see that this song wasn't as huge a hit as I would have expected. Perhaps the world has finally had enough of Chris Brown, please let's not give him any hits in the coming decade. There is really no appeal to this song, there's no defining moment and everything seems insultingly average. I originally included it on the list proper, but found there just wasn't enough to hate.
"Cool"
Jonas Brothers
This song is the opposite of cool. Regardless, it's probably the worst thing the Jonas Brothers have ever released and that's saying something. Just listen to "Sucker" instead, it's much better.
"Sorry I'm Yours"
Circa Waves
This was the pinnacle of what went wrong with Circa Waves' last album. My review of the album goes into more detail than I will here but in short it's overproduced, underwritten, bloated pop rock that does not stick the landing and results in an extremely flat sounding song. They've never been a particularly creative indie act, but this proves how uninventive and safe they are.
"Hate Me"
Ellie Goulding, Juice WRLD
Ellie Goulding has had a really fascinating career progression. Every subsequent album has decreased in quality, and I will not be listening to her next album if this song is on it. The writing is childish and cringy, and the beat is the most generic trap pop gets. I don't hate these artists but I do despise this song.
10
"Earth"
Lil Dicky
One of my biggest internal controversies of last year was my exclusion of "Freaky Friday" on my Worst Songs list. Despite my disgust for that song, the beat was decent enough to give it a hesitant pass, confident it would be a one-time thing and Lil Dicky's only successful single. "Earth" actually improves upon that song in a couple of ways, primarily in the fact that I am amused by a couple of the features here (there are 30 in total) although not because of the lyrics themselves, which are all utter trash. No, the amusement I get is from the odd but surprisingly appropriate choices of animals for all these featured artists to represent in the video. Just to be clear, this humour somehow only makes the song worse, and without the music video it may just be one of the weakest songs of the year, it lacks any memorable instrumental, the hook is really poor and the flows are predictably uninteresting and novel only upon first listen. Thank goodness this didn't stick around.
9
"Latex Dreams"
Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes"
If you read my brief review of the album this is from in the last recap I did, you'll know what my feelings on this band are. This song is undeniably the most excruciating part of that album, and Carter comes across as his least likeable and most arrogant here on this track. After passively enjoying the lead single "Crowbar", I was surprised to find every other song on the album to be some of the absolute worst in this vein of garage rock. If Royal Blood is the new Queens of the Stone Age, then Frank Carter & the Rattlesnakes is the poor man's Royal Blood. Literally anything that could be worse is worse, from Carter's lyrics and vocals to the uninspired guitars that opt for a grungy sound without really backing that up with the necessary intricacies or even plain power that the bands they are so clearly emulating would possess.
8
"Someone You Loved"
Lewis Capaldi
Just two months ago I would have seriously considered placing this at #1, presumably due to the radio dominance it had for so much of this year. It remains inescapable, especially since its newfound success in the US has elongated its already seemingly infinite overplay. There have been times when I've felt it was suffocating me and I've had several rants about just how much I despise Lewis Capaldi as a singer, but in the end I couldn't put it that high on this list. The typical four defining chords of pop music are present right from the opening, the lyrics are the most basic of break-up commentaries and do not convey any of the tension nor the emotion that he so badly wants people to believe. I feel as though everything here is precisely made to trick the masses into believing there is any emotional weight to it, as people are always so quick to assume that any kind of rawness in a vocal performance must equal emotion but... no... Lewis does no actual work to display or illustrate that he's actually in any pain, as the lyrics indicate a rather indifferent attitude to the situation and his vocals have no real weight, rather he opts to strain his voice just to feign emotion? Why?
7
"Called You Twice"
FIDLAR featuring K.Flay
After discovering this band late last year, I decided to check out their back catalogue. Whilst it was by no means exceptional punk music, it was rather enjoyable in spite of some atrocious lyrics and oddly commercial production choices, particularly on their second album. In many ways, I feel as though this was resolved on their last release and I quite enjoyed the album as a whole even if a few of the flaws of its predecessor wormed their way in. Overall, I'd say it was quite a strong album lyrically, especially when you get past some of the surface level cringe as frontman Zac's writing genuinely possessed lots of insight and expressed many of his struggles and inner turmoil in often admirably unlikable and honest ways. Why then did this song need or deserve a place on that album? It is the most basic expression of regret and instead of being captivating and intriguing the unlikable qualities that made the rest of the album's lyrical content endearing and interesting just irritates me. It comes across as annoying and pathetic, with both Zac and featured artist K.Flay whelping their hearts out in the most frustrating display of what I suppose is a sort of affectionate yet spiteful reflection. The chugging, repetitive instrumental may be tonally consistent with the rest of the song but it does not help.
6
"Robbery"
Juice WRLD
I'm not going to apologise for my placement of this song on this list just because Juice WRLD has died. First and foremost as a music critic I am judging the music itself and this song is terrible. The beat is forgettable and all too similar to his four previous singles, and the lyrics are as poorly written and delivered as ever. His whiny nature does nothing for me, although it is more bearable than Lewis Capaldi, and paired with the incredibly emo-teenaged lyrical cliches there just isn't anything for me to gravitate towards. It may be less messy than his previous single "Lucid Dreams", but it doesn't have the same pounding bass to hold it all together and as a result it hasn't even got the same background noise appeal that single did have. Now for the sensitive part: Juice did not deserve to die, regardless of the sort of person he was or the quality of his music or the potential you may or may not see in him. I hope that the industry that horrifically mistreated him doesn't pump out countless unfinished demos of his just as they did for XXXtentacion and Lil Peep before him. Rest in peace.
5
"7 Rings"
Ariana Grande
Ariana Grande released both her best album and her worst song this year. Despite the issues surrounding this song's alleged cultural appropriation of hip-hop as a culture and various allegations of Ariana stealing her flows from other acts, my main issue is just how insensitive this is to everyone's ears. We shouldn't have to put our ears through having to hear Ariana rapping as embarrassingly as she does, especially when nothing she says is in any way clever or interesting. I don't mind a flex song, provided it finds something new to say or do that makes it stand out from the thousands of emerging SoundCloud rappers and imitators making exactly the same music. What's worse is that given Ariana's huge success, she can afford an accomplished producer to make it sound absolutely flawless. Yes, I did just compliment the production. That's the thing, it is immaculate and in many ways so is Ariana herself, because she has the money to be that way. This fact just increases my hatred towards this song, and the flawless nature of the production only makes it easier to spot all the flaws in the writing and performance itself. She's really let herself down here.
4
"Light It Up"
Marshmello featuring Chris Brown & Tyga
What am I even supposed to say? This song is a collaboration between my three least favourite people in pop music today, I was never going to enjoy it. As ever with a Marshmello song, the beat is tacky and the drop has less substance than a salad of rotting leaves and thin, stale air. Can you tell yet the extent at which I despise this? Need I go on? It sounds like an amalgamation of late 2000s pop-rap and modern EDM-trap music, and somehow takes the worst elements of both. Sure, it's easy to ignore given how little impact in both the charts and radio but if you listen to song you're practically immediately confronted by the charming refrain of "you a real b****, light it up" which makes up a solid 90 percent of the song (don't fact check me on that). Moreover, the lack of anything of note in the verses is proven by the lack of a single annotation on genius. That's less than what "Baby Shark" has for goodness sake! This song is the most worthless piece of music I've heard all year. What's next...
3
"Outnumbered"
Dermot Kennedy
It's hard to put into words exactly what I hate about this song, and what makes it stand out from so many similar songs in this vein of folk-with-trap-pop-beat music that seems to be the equivalent here in the UK for bro country. After the immense success of Tom Walker last year, assuming Ed Sheeran's mantle of disgustingly cringy lyrics with basic as anything acoustic guitar and hip-hop flavoured beats, and the floodgates were only ever going to open. Labels love to capitalise on the absence of their biggest names on their off years, and Dermot did indeed start gaining success last year but only released his official debut album this October. I was actually a fan of the single "Lost" that preceded "Outnumbered", an abomination I am clearly trying to avoid talking about. Here's the thing, the main reason for me hating the song so much is due to my interpretation of Dermot's character in the track, and the awfully condescending impression I get from the lyrics. Aside from his detestable delivery and arrogant persona, it's obvious it's trying to be sincere and meaningful when in actual fact it comes across as a toxically masculine ballad more focused on satisfying Dermot's need to be needed than conveying the heartfelt intentions he wants to sell to his audience. Are you really the only person she can turn to? Should someone you claim to believe in really be so reliant on someone as vain as you?!
2
"Wild Ones"
Crystal Fighters
As more and more pop acts seem to lean into indie pop, the genre seems more and more keen on bridging the gap with trend-pandering beats, features and production to capitalise on the decreasing rift between genres. Sometimes, this results in epic innovation and entertaining affairs with elements of pop, EDM and hip-hop that a decade ago would have seemed revolutionary, artists such as Grandson, Mura Masa and Yonaka boldly leading the charge into a genreless existence. Others use this as a medium to achieve the kind of playlist placement and recognition to boost their success and earn them the cash they're clearly desiring more than the rewards to making music. Selling out like this doesn't even have to be a bad thing, case and point Bring Me The Horizon, but Crystal Fighters' inclusion of tropical-flavoured trap beats and Afrobeat would have turned a few heads back when Vampire Weekend was at the forefront of bands facing controversy for alleged cultural appropriation. On Crystal Fighters' latest album there really doesn't seem to be any respect for the music they're emulating and it does come across as a cheap way to try and stay relevant and playlist ready. For the most part, it's terrible. On "Wild Ones", it's unbearable. From the irritating whistling to the layers of effects and shamefully cringe-inducing lyrics, there is a lot to hate. It kind of sounds like a horrific mash-up of "Pumped Up Kicks" and any modern Maroon 5 song, only more annoying.
1
"Bruises"
Lewis Capaldi
"So Bad"
Gesaffelstein, HAIM
It's right there on the tin. Just avoid it. I was actually really excited to hear Gesaffelstein's new album, up until the point this song was released to promote it. Haim have had a strange year, with some very mixed material, and in my mind this is the worst of it. So bad? Yes.
"Make It Right"
BTS, Lauv
I don't like either of these artists. I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with this song.
"No Guidance"
Chris Brown, Drake
I am extremely happy to see that this song wasn't as huge a hit as I would have expected. Perhaps the world has finally had enough of Chris Brown, please let's not give him any hits in the coming decade. There is really no appeal to this song, there's no defining moment and everything seems insultingly average. I originally included it on the list proper, but found there just wasn't enough to hate.
"Cool"
Jonas Brothers
This song is the opposite of cool. Regardless, it's probably the worst thing the Jonas Brothers have ever released and that's saying something. Just listen to "Sucker" instead, it's much better.
"Sorry I'm Yours"
Circa Waves
This was the pinnacle of what went wrong with Circa Waves' last album. My review of the album goes into more detail than I will here but in short it's overproduced, underwritten, bloated pop rock that does not stick the landing and results in an extremely flat sounding song. They've never been a particularly creative indie act, but this proves how uninventive and safe they are.
"Hate Me"
Ellie Goulding, Juice WRLD
Ellie Goulding has had a really fascinating career progression. Every subsequent album has decreased in quality, and I will not be listening to her next album if this song is on it. The writing is childish and cringy, and the beat is the most generic trap pop gets. I don't hate these artists but I do despise this song.
10
"Earth"
Lil Dicky
One of my biggest internal controversies of last year was my exclusion of "Freaky Friday" on my Worst Songs list. Despite my disgust for that song, the beat was decent enough to give it a hesitant pass, confident it would be a one-time thing and Lil Dicky's only successful single. "Earth" actually improves upon that song in a couple of ways, primarily in the fact that I am amused by a couple of the features here (there are 30 in total) although not because of the lyrics themselves, which are all utter trash. No, the amusement I get is from the odd but surprisingly appropriate choices of animals for all these featured artists to represent in the video. Just to be clear, this humour somehow only makes the song worse, and without the music video it may just be one of the weakest songs of the year, it lacks any memorable instrumental, the hook is really poor and the flows are predictably uninteresting and novel only upon first listen. Thank goodness this didn't stick around.
9
"Latex Dreams"
Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes"
If you read my brief review of the album this is from in the last recap I did, you'll know what my feelings on this band are. This song is undeniably the most excruciating part of that album, and Carter comes across as his least likeable and most arrogant here on this track. After passively enjoying the lead single "Crowbar", I was surprised to find every other song on the album to be some of the absolute worst in this vein of garage rock. If Royal Blood is the new Queens of the Stone Age, then Frank Carter & the Rattlesnakes is the poor man's Royal Blood. Literally anything that could be worse is worse, from Carter's lyrics and vocals to the uninspired guitars that opt for a grungy sound without really backing that up with the necessary intricacies or even plain power that the bands they are so clearly emulating would possess.
8
"Someone You Loved"
Lewis Capaldi
Just two months ago I would have seriously considered placing this at #1, presumably due to the radio dominance it had for so much of this year. It remains inescapable, especially since its newfound success in the US has elongated its already seemingly infinite overplay. There have been times when I've felt it was suffocating me and I've had several rants about just how much I despise Lewis Capaldi as a singer, but in the end I couldn't put it that high on this list. The typical four defining chords of pop music are present right from the opening, the lyrics are the most basic of break-up commentaries and do not convey any of the tension nor the emotion that he so badly wants people to believe. I feel as though everything here is precisely made to trick the masses into believing there is any emotional weight to it, as people are always so quick to assume that any kind of rawness in a vocal performance must equal emotion but... no... Lewis does no actual work to display or illustrate that he's actually in any pain, as the lyrics indicate a rather indifferent attitude to the situation and his vocals have no real weight, rather he opts to strain his voice just to feign emotion? Why?
7
"Called You Twice"
FIDLAR featuring K.Flay
After discovering this band late last year, I decided to check out their back catalogue. Whilst it was by no means exceptional punk music, it was rather enjoyable in spite of some atrocious lyrics and oddly commercial production choices, particularly on their second album. In many ways, I feel as though this was resolved on their last release and I quite enjoyed the album as a whole even if a few of the flaws of its predecessor wormed their way in. Overall, I'd say it was quite a strong album lyrically, especially when you get past some of the surface level cringe as frontman Zac's writing genuinely possessed lots of insight and expressed many of his struggles and inner turmoil in often admirably unlikable and honest ways. Why then did this song need or deserve a place on that album? It is the most basic expression of regret and instead of being captivating and intriguing the unlikable qualities that made the rest of the album's lyrical content endearing and interesting just irritates me. It comes across as annoying and pathetic, with both Zac and featured artist K.Flay whelping their hearts out in the most frustrating display of what I suppose is a sort of affectionate yet spiteful reflection. The chugging, repetitive instrumental may be tonally consistent with the rest of the song but it does not help.
6
"Robbery"
Juice WRLD
I'm not going to apologise for my placement of this song on this list just because Juice WRLD has died. First and foremost as a music critic I am judging the music itself and this song is terrible. The beat is forgettable and all too similar to his four previous singles, and the lyrics are as poorly written and delivered as ever. His whiny nature does nothing for me, although it is more bearable than Lewis Capaldi, and paired with the incredibly emo-teenaged lyrical cliches there just isn't anything for me to gravitate towards. It may be less messy than his previous single "Lucid Dreams", but it doesn't have the same pounding bass to hold it all together and as a result it hasn't even got the same background noise appeal that single did have. Now for the sensitive part: Juice did not deserve to die, regardless of the sort of person he was or the quality of his music or the potential you may or may not see in him. I hope that the industry that horrifically mistreated him doesn't pump out countless unfinished demos of his just as they did for XXXtentacion and Lil Peep before him. Rest in peace.
5
"7 Rings"
Ariana Grande
Ariana Grande released both her best album and her worst song this year. Despite the issues surrounding this song's alleged cultural appropriation of hip-hop as a culture and various allegations of Ariana stealing her flows from other acts, my main issue is just how insensitive this is to everyone's ears. We shouldn't have to put our ears through having to hear Ariana rapping as embarrassingly as she does, especially when nothing she says is in any way clever or interesting. I don't mind a flex song, provided it finds something new to say or do that makes it stand out from the thousands of emerging SoundCloud rappers and imitators making exactly the same music. What's worse is that given Ariana's huge success, she can afford an accomplished producer to make it sound absolutely flawless. Yes, I did just compliment the production. That's the thing, it is immaculate and in many ways so is Ariana herself, because she has the money to be that way. This fact just increases my hatred towards this song, and the flawless nature of the production only makes it easier to spot all the flaws in the writing and performance itself. She's really let herself down here.
4
"Light It Up"
Marshmello featuring Chris Brown & Tyga
What am I even supposed to say? This song is a collaboration between my three least favourite people in pop music today, I was never going to enjoy it. As ever with a Marshmello song, the beat is tacky and the drop has less substance than a salad of rotting leaves and thin, stale air. Can you tell yet the extent at which I despise this? Need I go on? It sounds like an amalgamation of late 2000s pop-rap and modern EDM-trap music, and somehow takes the worst elements of both. Sure, it's easy to ignore given how little impact in both the charts and radio but if you listen to song you're practically immediately confronted by the charming refrain of "you a real b****, light it up" which makes up a solid 90 percent of the song (don't fact check me on that). Moreover, the lack of anything of note in the verses is proven by the lack of a single annotation on genius. That's less than what "Baby Shark" has for goodness sake! This song is the most worthless piece of music I've heard all year. What's next...
3
"Outnumbered"
Dermot Kennedy
It's hard to put into words exactly what I hate about this song, and what makes it stand out from so many similar songs in this vein of folk-with-trap-pop-beat music that seems to be the equivalent here in the UK for bro country. After the immense success of Tom Walker last year, assuming Ed Sheeran's mantle of disgustingly cringy lyrics with basic as anything acoustic guitar and hip-hop flavoured beats, and the floodgates were only ever going to open. Labels love to capitalise on the absence of their biggest names on their off years, and Dermot did indeed start gaining success last year but only released his official debut album this October. I was actually a fan of the single "Lost" that preceded "Outnumbered", an abomination I am clearly trying to avoid talking about. Here's the thing, the main reason for me hating the song so much is due to my interpretation of Dermot's character in the track, and the awfully condescending impression I get from the lyrics. Aside from his detestable delivery and arrogant persona, it's obvious it's trying to be sincere and meaningful when in actual fact it comes across as a toxically masculine ballad more focused on satisfying Dermot's need to be needed than conveying the heartfelt intentions he wants to sell to his audience. Are you really the only person she can turn to? Should someone you claim to believe in really be so reliant on someone as vain as you?!
2
"Wild Ones"
Crystal Fighters
As more and more pop acts seem to lean into indie pop, the genre seems more and more keen on bridging the gap with trend-pandering beats, features and production to capitalise on the decreasing rift between genres. Sometimes, this results in epic innovation and entertaining affairs with elements of pop, EDM and hip-hop that a decade ago would have seemed revolutionary, artists such as Grandson, Mura Masa and Yonaka boldly leading the charge into a genreless existence. Others use this as a medium to achieve the kind of playlist placement and recognition to boost their success and earn them the cash they're clearly desiring more than the rewards to making music. Selling out like this doesn't even have to be a bad thing, case and point Bring Me The Horizon, but Crystal Fighters' inclusion of tropical-flavoured trap beats and Afrobeat would have turned a few heads back when Vampire Weekend was at the forefront of bands facing controversy for alleged cultural appropriation. On Crystal Fighters' latest album there really doesn't seem to be any respect for the music they're emulating and it does come across as a cheap way to try and stay relevant and playlist ready. For the most part, it's terrible. On "Wild Ones", it's unbearable. From the irritating whistling to the layers of effects and shamefully cringe-inducing lyrics, there is a lot to hate. It kind of sounds like a horrific mash-up of "Pumped Up Kicks" and any modern Maroon 5 song, only more annoying.
1
"Bruises"
Lewis Capaldi
Every sad pop ballad that has been criticised for using excessive cliches just got a free pass. Lewis Capaldi may just be the worst thing to happen to pop music this year, and I honestly considered putting three other songs by him on this list. How many times will I have to reiterate that his voice is atrocious, his writing is incompetent and his sparse pianos are flavourless? He is so devoid of personality and emotion in these songs that are trying so hard to go for depth in pain and loss of love and all he can do to convey that is strain his vocals to the point of breaking every single time? His lower, more subdued register that occupies the verses is bearable, but the lyrics are just pathetic and never justified nor resolved. This sort of song is supposed to illustrate what he feels or why he feels it and yet Lewis' brain-melting braying only serves as a tool to project supposed pain that we infer because of the basic nature of the pianos and minor key. We're doing all the work listening to his song, filling in the gaps left by his lacklustre lyrics and strained vocals. What I've said so far hasn't particularly differentiated this from "Someone You Loved", so what is it that lands that song at #8 and this at #1? Well, primarily it's the chorus. Despite all its flaws and misguided delivery, at least "Someone You Loved" had a somewhat unique chorus in the lyrical department. It wasn't good, but the phrase "I was getting kind of used to being someone you loved" was reasonably clever, and I might have appreciated it in a better song. With "Bruises", the focal point of the chorus is Lewis' delivery of arguably the most cliched line in the song: "There must be something in the water/ Cause every day it's getting colder/ and if only I could hold you/ you'd keep my head from going under". He howls these lyrics as if they are the most meaningful thing he's ever said which, given how I've described his singing ability, is honestly the single worst moment of music in 2019 for me. This song may have been a less suffocating force on the radio but it made up for it by being insufferable every time I do hear it. It manages to combine my two largest criticisms of songs this year, being both generic to a fault and sonically insulting to my ears in a spectacular display of everything I hate about popular music. No thank you, next.
---
But thank you for sticking around and reading my first year end list for 2019, I really do appreciate it. I put a lot of work into this and I'm pleased to say that the next list should be somewhat less aggravating. You can find this list on Spotify, Deezer and Tidal if for some reason you'd like to put yourself through the same torture I've undertaken, and feel free to leave any comments or suggestions down below.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0fAxrF5EmRYlJEKsnWk8gl?si=ts-ICllkR5Wq1CJW4UftqA
https://tidal.com/playlist/1b755660-dcd4-44bb-b65d-eed62f1c2d74
http://www.deezer.com/playlist/6897700404
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