Winter 2020: UK Top 20 Hit Songs Ranked

This is by no means a unique format or idea, but it's one I've wanted to contribute to due to the huge lack of coverage on the UK charts. This isn't patriotism it's representation. Since the beginning of this year, I've found myself diving further and further into the rabbit hole of Bandcamp and gradually drifting away from the indie pop that I began this blog listening to primarily and as much as I want to represent my expanding taste in reviews (more of which are coming) I don't want to lose touch with popular music because I do think it's important and I find it fascinating to watch trends rise and fall. I think I have quite a lot to say, but I also want to keep this somewhat spontaneous to allow for some wiggle room when it comes to the sort of things I'll be saying. 

If you don't know how this works, I'll be taking the chart dating 10th January 2020 and ranking the Top 20 songs from worst to best, placing each song in a distinctive tier. For every song in a tier a set amount of points will be awarded, resulting in a total score out of 100 for how good the chart was for that season in my opinion. This is a seasonal series, meaning I do four over the course of a year beginning with this, the winter one. A quick breakdown of how much each tier is worth, we have Terrible which is +0 per song; Bad which is +1; Meh which is +2; Decent which is +3; Good which is +4 and Excellent which is +5 points. Hope you enjoy, it should make sense if it hasn't already...

20

"Bruises"
Lewis Capaldi

Position In Chart: #12

I can't lie, I have a bias. I hate Lewis Capaldi.

Last year, I forced myself through his debut album, an experience I will never forget. You may like him for his music, you make like him for his humour but I find absolutely nothing comforting, entertaining or amusing in either. He pulls in fans by being "relatable", and it's an excuse I've heard numerous times for why his music lacks any kind of distinction or quality other than the bare minimum required for balladry, i.e. four chords looped on a thin piano and his straining, stretching yet unemotional and unachieving voice. I'll continue saying this as long as I have to: his singing is reliant on tricking people into thinking it's sad by sounding raw and just saying he's sad a few times to feign emotional depth. For more information, check out my worst songs of last year.

19

"Someone You Loved"
Lewis Capaldi

Position on Chart: #7

Not being funny but this song first charted in 2018. In fact, it hasn't left the charts for over a year. I would go on to complain, but I've made every complaint I could with the last song, the twin brother to this abomination. I don't need or want to say anything more but I'll leave you with - if when I do my Spring Ranking this is still in the Top 20 the entire post may be filled with "tiuhfuhe"s as I slam my head into the keyboard.

18

"South Of The Border"

Ed Sheeran

Chart Position: #17

No.6 Collaborations really wasn't Ed at his best was it. This song is a good example of how not at his best the album really was. To put it in a list: the terrible lyrics, generic beat, devoid personalities and blatant radio pandering are the most significant crimes committed by this track and that's before I touch on Cardi B's part which only accentuates these flaws. I couldn't disagree with Trump more on the matter of the wall, but I wouldn't object to him enclosing this song forever.

17

"Before You Go"

Lewis Capaldi

Position In Chart: #2

I don't know who to blame. THREE SONGS from Lewis Capaldi in the top 20. THREE. This being his most recent single, I will admit it's an improvement over everything he's done before, trading in his typical background piano for an inconsequential acoustic guitar and there's definitely a noticeable improvement in the lyrics here but I'm sorry if you want me to actually like this you're going to have to try harder than this. The line "It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless" really triggers me, because as many half-baked metaphors as he can throw at it it's this sort of line that takes a centerpiece in the chorus by saying literally nothing. I suppose it hints at mental health and depression but there's nothing to back it up, least of all his voice which on this song sounds as though a Hagrid impressionist robot is being tortured. I'm not just putting all his songs at the bottom for the fun of it there are genuinely no redeeming qualities to his music and he does not deserve to have a career. You know who does deserve to have a career though...

16

"Yummy"
Justin Bieber

Position In Chart: #5

All I can do is laugh. This just couldn't be funnier, a married now-25-year-old man releasing a song called "Yummy" without a shred of irony or wit. It is something to behold, it really is... something....

To be honest, there isn't really anything here to critique or think about, it is pure radio and playlist fodder and the worst way he could begin a successful album cycle. If you're going to make it fail, at least fail spectacularly like Taylor Swift with "ME!" or Zayn with "Let Me", two songs that despite their flaws I'd much rather hear than "Yummy", amusingly the least flavoursome thing out right now. Everyone with a problem with water must haaaate this.

15

"Roxanne"
Arizona Zervas

Position In Chart: #4

Without the distinction of voices, it would be difficult to distinguish between this and "Yummy", in fact this is what I presumed Justin's comeback would sound like. Fortunately, where that song was dreary and substanceless Arizona Zervas is able to do the unthinkable: try.

Not much but baby steps guys, come on he's only 24... wait what... this guy is 24?!! I assumed from his style this was some 17 year old soundcloud-to-fame teen but no they're almost as old as the Biebs himself. Well that makes things pretty awkward but doesn't in any way change my opinion of this song. In three words: catchy; annoying; and...;

There we go they were my three words. Onto the Meh Tier!

14

"Pump It Up"

Endor

Position In Chart: #14

This could only really catch on this side of the pond but why did it? I suppose the turn of a new decade was bound to inspire some nostalgia for the 2000s but of all things this? Okay... sure. I'm never going to seek it out and I don't particularly want to hear it again, but that's mainly because as remixes go this is embarrassingly low effort. Out of context I could not tell you which is which, or remember that there is even a second version of the song that's popular, so I'm kind of bewildered at the chart run it has had so far, spending no less than 15 weeks in the chart since October and showing signs of a pretty gradual decline. All in all this is just a really interesting occurrence that I don't care for as a song but am intrigued by as a potential trend. If only Sam Smith's cover of "I Feel Love" had this kind of success.

13

"Lose You To Love Me"

Selena Gomez

Position In Chart: #20

I'm so sick of pop artists today including songs like this on albums that just don't compliment them in any way. I'm quite all over the place when it comes to Selena's music because it varies so drastically in quality and in particular with the writing, a factor this song actually nails, but its placement on her new album feels so awkward and it breaks up the flow for a track that might be the best written of her career but is far from her most enjoyable. I'm conflicted because I don't like this song but I do feel the emotion pouring out of her and it's startlingly open for a pop song, but then there's the composition courtesy of Julia Michaels and you can tell it's just her song "Issues" with a better singer and lyricist at the helm. I'm just confused when listening to it and I eventually decided to place it here in the Meh Tier simply because it didn't fit anywhere else, much like how it doesn't fit within her album.

12

"This Is Real"

Jax Jones ft. Ella Henderson

Position In Chart: #18

The title of this song only further convinces me that Jax Jones is not in fact real. Surely a dance musician notching more hits than David Guetta right now can't be anything more than another faceless, frustrating Marshmello. In fact, Jax Jones is in my mind an iconic figure, someone I know nothing about but someone that makes me smile every time I hear one of his songs, regardless of how good it is. Not many people can do that, but there's a certain bounce to his tracks that means, even in the case of this song which I think is pretty mediocre, I'd be fine listening to it if it ever came on. But seriously, how is he real? He seems to have so much energy and I compare that to the flat slog of countless other dance musicians doing a similar thing and I'm stunned at how much he's able to stand out. We're lucky to have him and I would be sad to see him go. Keep making music Jax Jones.

11

"Memories"
Maroon 5

Position In Chart: #13

Well this awkward...

Like every critic, I hate Maroon 5. I have to hate Maroon 5, because they get progressively worse throughout their career and that's become a fact of life at this point, like how the sky is blue, the Earth is round and I am trying to find a way out of talking about the song. It's completely unremarkable... and that's at least two steps above whatever level "Girls Like You" was, and the less said about "Wait" or "Don't Wanna Know" the better. It's also close to the best song they've released since "Moves Like Jagger". I don't know what it is but there is something here that pulls the looping, typical acoustic guitar with the generic lyrics and Adam Levine's ever-yelping voice together into a song that comes across as heartfelt and frightening genuine. Maroon 5 being one of the least genuine bands on the planet (literally the other members haven't played a single note since 2011) and yet this song whilst still very much firmly in the "meh" tier does bring me hope that maybe we can enter the new decade with the potential to get some average music from this "band".

10

"Own It"

Stormzy ft. Burna Boy & Ed Sheeran

Chart Position: #1

As much as I enjoy Stormzy's new album Heavy Is The Head, an unapologetically diverse collection of grime and R&B, I'm very much aware that there are some moments that are just too obvious for their own good. On "Own It", Stormzy's second official collaboration with Ed Sheeran, the trio (Burna Boy also being featured on the song as a bit of a non-presence) sing over a standard dancehall beat that lacks the intensity of the best grime tracks and the soul of the best R&B tracks on his album. It's pretty disappointing, but somewhat serviceable for what was obviously meant to be the biggest selling single he's released to date. I suppose I don't have a specific issue with the song, but it's far from his best work. Still, it's easy to vibe to and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it.

9

"Lose Control"

Meduza ft. Becky Hill & Goodboys

Position In Chart: #15

I am thrilled that deep house is making a resurgence and it's courtesy of Meduza's smash hit "Piece Of Your Heart" last year that's hopefully opening the floodgates for more in that style to chart. Whilst not as strong as that first hit, their followup is still a pretty undeniable jam that definitely deserves a place in the spotlight. "Piece Of Your Heart" was minimalistic, boasting impeccable production that complimented the groove and vocals, helping it to transcend peers like Disciples and Oliver Heldens with its sheer simplicity and mastery of space; in "Lose Control", Meduza chooses to fill that space and I'm not saying it destroys the vibe but it does feel a little overstuffed, something that unfortunately results in a really good song sadly being brought down a tier or two. Still, this is a duo I will be keeping a keen pair of eyes on in the future and I'm hopeful that their career continues to blossom.

8

"The Box"

Roddy Rich
Position In Chart: #16

Squeak.

This is only good because of how interesting his different flows are. They are, by the way, incredible flows and this is an artist I see a lot of potential in (see "Ballin") but also one I feel may need some direction because their debut album is pretty mediocre, especially in comparison with the energy and focus he brings here. It might be none-too-special in the lyrical department, but there's a lot to love here and it has too many saving graces to ignore.

7

"Adore You"
Harry Styles

Position In Chart: #9

This is pretty close to being his best single yet, and I have to say that it's the most effective he's been in his retrieval of classic 70s sounds, this song opting for a soulful, poppy venture that serves as an update on the music of Fleetwood Mac in particular. Of all his new songs, "Adore You" is the most successful at blending retro stylings with modern production, something handled rather clumsily by Tyler Johnson on the majority of his other songs. That's a producer I'd quite like to disappear from pop music right now, as he's done little in the way of proving himself to be capable of handling the sort of artists he's so often paired with. Fortunately, this song is not let down in the way of production and the modern tightness to the drumbeat and processing of the vocals is controlled in such a way that compliments the progression of the song, repetitive as it may be. It's something that suits a variety of moods, and I'm glad it's reached the heights it deserves.

6

"Ride It"

Regard

Position In Chart: #11

This is how it's done. Forget "Pump It Up" for as memorable as the original is, this is how you remix a song. It reminds me of Loud Luxury's fantastic tune "Body" from a couple of years ago, only with less progressions and a better drop. Jay Sean's original version of "Ride It" was far from an interesting song, but Regard does an admirable job of creating a beat that's far more engaging and interesting to listen to, balancing the splashy tropical house vibe with a deeper, funkier bass and a perplexingly enjoyable synth that has no right to sound as good as it does given just how thin it is. All in all, it's a feeling not thinking song and there's not really much to say - it does end uncomfortably abruptly though, which is really the only fault it has. Great listen, great mood, definitely give it a shot.

5

"Circles"
Post Malone

Position In Chart: #19

Post's rise to success has been almost more unpredictable than his rise to fame, continuously climbing higher and higher right up until Hollywood's Bleeding came out, officially his second studio album and one that definitely suffered in terms of a rushed promotional cycle, the lead singles not having enough time to leave an impact as great as that of "Rockstar" or "Psycho" did on his last album. This was regrettable, seeing as this album definitely contains some of his best work, but I was happy to see "Circles" slow rise to the top end of the charts. It's a song that best suited the Autumn, but it's just as welcome now as it was then. Post Malone is perfectly suited to delivering this brand of melancholic, reflective sadboy indie pop and despite how unique it is from anything else on the charts, it doesn't quite rival the artists he's emulating. The writing may be patchy in places, and it lacks the grandeur of "Take What You Want", but he conveys the emotion beautifully and I can't deny the chorus.

4

"Dance Monkey"

Tones & I
Position In Chart: #6

This has been the marmite in music these past months, and from the moment I first heard it I've been very inconsistent in which side of the fence I'm on but I think I've come to an ultimatum - it's good.

By no means is this the experimental, forward-thinking new phase of sophisti pop that people seem to think it is - it's literally just a tight, restrained dance song with very sharp production and a refreshing lack of brash synths or a drop, an element (or lack of an element I suppose) that I highly appreciate. For me, the music is great but it isn't what makes this song interesting or unique for as technically impressive as it is. No, what I love about this song is Tones & I's delivery. The vocals may be the polarising part of the song, but for me it's all about the way she delivers them and not their (admittedly unusual) sound. For a song with a title like "Dance Monkey", the lyrics are not exactly what you expect to be the best written part, and on surface level that would appear to be true, but what she manages to say by the way she says it really is special for a pop song. As the song progresses, the venom and spite in her voice grows to the point where the final chorus's apparent positivity comes across as painfully ironic and bitter, presenting the real depth in Tones's music as this twisted concept of someone being viewed as a puppet for others' entertainment, where "dancing" becomes a forced act and no longer the expression it should be. This is brilliant.

3

"everything i wanted"
Billie Eilish

Position In Chart: #8

On the other side of the new-artist overhyped-hypetrain we have Billie Eilish, the now Grammy-winning mainstream and critical darling who did release one of the most unique and interesting albums last year and someone who again I've had mixed feelings on. Aside from a couple of just thoroughly underwhelming moments, her debut album really was a fantastic venture into a brand new kind of pop that's simultaneously as bold as Charli XCX in the experimentation whilst also being as restrained as James Blake. It's a direction I was ecstatic for her to develop on her brand new single and it's a direction that this song is pointing distinctly away from. And that's okay. I will be disappointed if her future music is all within this wispy, indie pop territory but just for this song the atmosphere is phenomenal as always, courtesy of her brother's instrumental, and the lyrics are easily the best she's ever written. It's a weighty subject matter, and the self-destructive themes are plain as day in the most open and strikingly vulnerable way. It worried me after the "Bad Guy" remix with Justin Bieber of all people that perhaps she was losing touch with what made her special as a writer, but she's reclaimed the self awareness and genuine lyrical depth that she really does possess.

2

"Blinding Lights"

The Weeknd

Position In Chart: #10

Can I just say this is the most rewarding that Abel's released since Starboy, another timeless feeling synthpop jam that I already consider the "Take On Me" of our age. I'm not exaggerating, this song is in the Excellent Tier for a reason. The glowing, glistening synths with his smooth, effortless yet passionate vocals is a winning combination and compared with the his other new single "Heartless" there is real buildup and payoff to the instrumental in which none of the momentum is lost and thank goodness for that. This encapsulates the euphoric rush and eagerness of love like lightning in a bottle, and it proves that The Weeknd will keep coming back and providing us with the best retro pop music every single t- uh, every once in a while.

1

"Don't Start Now"

Dua Lipa

Position In Chart: #3

 

Having been somewhat caught between greatness and being forgettable and with results varying wildly from song to song, Dua Lipa has spent a lot of time straddling the line between omnipresent-but-undistinguished-feature for dance music or pop-diva-sensation, with me spending an awful lot of time pretending from her small handful of great songs that she's the latter. When at last she announced the lead single to her upcoming second studio album, I was very excited. So, what did we get? What can I say? She's perfected her own formula and the results are outstanding. From the dance-demanding bassline to the casual splash of synths in the buildup to the chorus, there isn't a single moment of this I don't enjoy. Spiky pianos and a funky beat sit atop that bassline like the magnificent throne it is with the full knowledge that if Dua Lipa isn't queen of pop right now then she will be soon. She really owns every moment of this song, leaving no doubt in my mind that she is a popstar to stay and one of the best things to come out of Britain in recent memory. Thank you Dua Lipa, with the limited and ultimately insignificant influence I have on the Internet I crown you our new Queen of Pop, may you reign for years and years. I bow, to you.

So, to sum up this seasonal Top 20 ranking we have...

2 song in the Terrible Tier (+0 points)

4 songs in the Bad Tier (+4 points)

4 songs in the Meh Tier (+8 points)

3 songs in the Decent Tier (+9 points)

5 songs in the Good Tier (+20 points)

And 2 songs in the Excellent Tier (+10 points)

Meaning that the Top 20 for Winter 2020 gets a score of 51/100, a score that currently means nothing given this is the first one and there's no comparison! It will be interesting to compare the 4 scores across the year by the end of 2020, but let's try to enjoy the year as it comes for now.

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Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed the first ever Seasonal Ranking on my blog. I've got to keep things fresh for the new decade and I'm pretty excited to continue this as a quad-annual (is that a thing?) series. Reviews are coming soon with a bit of an updated format so keep your eyes peeled for more from me very soon.

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